Desires, I had many.
Habits, loads. Good and bad, and in between.
In the past two months I have had to let go of all of them, in order to live my life, to have longevity. I have had to, (out of necessity), let go of all my ambition and desire. Just let it wash away. Or my life as I know it would be at an end. There would be no purpose to it.
For right now, my only purpose is to live. I am sure you can all relate to this in your own way. For if your life was deemed to be at an end, you would surely live it to the fullest extent, or find a way to live longer.
I’ve been on two diets so far, one, the macrobiotic diet, which is basically, 3 healthy meals consisting of grains, seasonal vegetables and fruit and a single meal of fish or chicken a day. This was back when I found out I had a possible something in my brain. We eventually found out that glucose and gluten were a culprit adding to the growth of whatever this thing was. So we started to cut out grains, as they contain glucose, and then bread and eventually fruit and root vegetables too. I was stumped! What on earth do I eat now?! Seriously. It is like I cannot consume anything that the taste buds enjoy! Obviously I could and am, but I didn’t see that there was anything else I could eat.
The Ketogenic Diet is a tough nut to crack, (fortunately I can and do eat lots of nuts, regularly), the majority of this diet for me, is FATS! Loads of healthy FATS! I always thought that fats were bad for us. Apparently not. Well, not the good fats anyway! This has been a complete turnaround for me in so many ways. I thought I was a bit of a culinary whizz kid. I still am, but I have had to adapt to what I can eat and what I can’t!
Here is the list of Foods I can eat:
ALL MEAT, FISH & EGGS: Beef, Mussels, Chicken, Small Oily Fish*,Duck, Scallops, Eggs, Shrimp, Game, Turkey, Goat, Veal, Lamb, White Fish, Lobster *Prefer the small fish- e.g. sardines, anchovies, mackerel, wild salmon, freshwater trout.
VEGETABLES: Alfalfa sprouts, Fennel, Artichoke, Green Beans, Asparagus, Kale, Aubergine, Kohlrabi, Avocado, Leeks, Bamboo Shoots, Lettuces and Greens, Beet Greens, Leafy Veg, Bok Choy, Mushrooms, Broccoli, Olives (Tapenade), Brussels Sprouts, Radishes, Cabbages, Sauerkraut, Cauliflower, Scallions, Celery (Root), Snow Peas, Chives, Spinach, Collard Greens, Spring Onions, Courgette, Swiss Chard, (Zucchini), Turnips, Cucumbers, Water Chestnuts, Dandelion.
NUTS/SEEDS & BUTTERS: Almond (Butter), Flax, Hemp Seeds, Brazil nut, Pecans, 100% Cacao, Sesame Seeds/Tahini, Coconut (Butter), Walnuts, Macadamias (Butter).
FATS & OILS: Animal Fats (Ghee, (Goat) Butter, Lard, Chicken/Duck/Goose Fat, Beef Tallow), Avocado (Oil), Coconut Oil/Milk, Macadamia Oil, Mayonnaise, Olive Oil.
BEVERAGES: Herbal Teas (unsweetened), Filtered or bottled water, Clear Broth (e.g. Chicken Stock).
FRUIT : Lemon, Lime.
As you can see, it looks pretty limited. Almost impossible. Some of you are looking at the list in disbelief. Some of you would say, “Screw this, I’m just going to eat what I want!” On some level my ego agrees with you, why should I cut out most foods and just eat this very small and very obscure list of foods. There are more alternative foods I can eat but I am being severely strict on the foods I consume as I must be strict for this diet to work.
It comes down to a matter of survival. A case of, live or die.
Fortunately. I have a great metabolism and it adapts quite well to most changes I make to my diet. So I am stable and feeling great. I am burning fat instead of glucose and glutamine. I am literally starving this foolish cancer of its sources of food. The only thing that I can say is that sometimes I feel downright weak, but that is due to my mineral reserves depleting quite quickly. I have to drink a lot of water to keep my body going and that means peeing every 25 minutes. Which means I lose a lot of minerals from my body. But this is easily resolved. I drink some bouillon or some salt water to restore these minerals as they have high amounts of sodium and potassium.
It’s a life of balance now. I have my body highs and my body lows. I am still, for some unknown and cosmic reason, still feeling very healthy. I would’ve thought that having a brain tumour meant I was going to feel drastic and constrictive changes upon my body and my health. The amazing thing is, I have literally felt nothing change. No feeling of sickness or disease. No feeling of life ebbing away. I feel blessed instead. I feel enriched and in control. I feel like I am able to control how my body and mind feels and reacts to changes. Nothing is forthcoming when I fear. All is accomplished when I come from love and light. I am looked after. I am loved and I love you all.
Truly. I am thankful for all the guidance I have received. From all sources. I feel I have been guided this whole time, simply, (this is my belief), from that unknown source of energy, that all seeing, all knowing place that lives within and outside of us. Some call it god, some call it universal light. Whatever it is and whatever you believe. It resides within you and guides you from the outside too. I think in its way, it is called trust. Trust in yourself. In this trust you will know what to do and when to do it.
Trust in others. Not fear the other. Then will we find peace. I know this sounds foolish, as the other person has some alternate motive to your own. But if you truly let go of fear. I believe, that life guides you and the other lets go of their fears too.
Once again. I don’t know if what I have written here, rings true or makes sense. I write, not to make sense, but to share myself.
From a place of love, for you.
Pablo Isaiah Kelly.
Desires, I had many.