I have realised that I have nothing to say. No special insights. No significant news of positive or negative aspect.
I feel like I am in an illusion. That someday soon, I will wake up again… As if nothing happened. No cancer. No daily struggle to maintain my own conscious positivity against a vast & negative outlook that endures against everything else.
I live in turmoil. It never ceases. Good day or bad, they are the same. A culmination of both good & bad.
It is, I imagine, how a psychotic person feels; not knowing themselves, not being aware of why or what they are?! Or even why they do the things they do…
This also, is the truth for us all… right? The constant struggle to truly know whether what we do is right, or wrong…
I could be doing everything within my power to heal my “incurable” disease… and I am, but what if?… What if everything I am doing fails me?
Is it my time to go………..? If so, why struggle at all?